I found this via flash traffic.

I wonder if Dave Grohl has seen this. Kurt Cobain is rolling around in his grave. OH it’s so bad.

*sobs*

This is a reprint from last year
but I think it should be read every holiday season.

For some reason, everybody and their Mama is starting to hate on Christmas. Eleanor is losing the spirit. MF never had it (I think he’s lying just to look like a badass for the ladies). There’s even a Bah Humbug club in England.

Back in the day, I used to feel a little blue during the holiday and then I came to resent the holiday. Finally, I have gotten to the point where I can enjoy the thing. Here are some of my tips.

1. Christmas doesn’t turn crap into gold. Yeah everybody and their mama tells you that Christmas is the time for friends and family. Everybody is supposed to get together and have a jolly old good time. This is all great and all but if your family tap dances on your last nerve: your grandpa is an alcoholic or your aunt is mean and uses you as an emotional whipping girl. None of that is going to change because Jesus was born many years ago. They’re still going to be the same shitheads that they are the other 51 weeks out of the year. Sometimes, you might have to set up some personal boundaries for yourself and limit the time with drunk grandpa and mean aunt if it’s going to harsh your buzz for the entire season.

   That being said, if you have been a jackass to someone and are feeling bad about it. This holiday season does give you the opportunity to extend an olive branch or a peace pipe. It’s not calling people out of the blue for no reason, it’s wishing them well for the holiday season.

2. Your problems aren’t going to go away just because it’s the seasonIf you’re unhappy,fat, or broke, you’re still going to be unhappy, fat, and/or broke. It’s not going to go away because there’s a tree and some presents
3. People are not nicer during the holiday season. I don’t know what this peace on Earth, goodwill towards man crap is. Ask anyone who works in retail during the holiday season and they will tell you, “people are still the same greedy shits they are the other 11 months of the year. In fact, the greedy shitness is multiplied.” People are shooting each in Toys R Us over what? A Wii. A Bratz doll? People want to be the hero to their own friends and relatives by bringing them the choice gifts so they can get some applause and standing ovations. They will push, pull, poke, and possibly steal the toy out of your shopping cart. Then they drop fifty cents into the Salvation Army bucket and go home thinking they’re a great charitable human being.
4. Avoid Christmas music. Here’s the deal. The classical music written by the white haired greats such as Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms, Yeah that stuff rules. BUT the stuff that is produced closer to today, it sucks. The record producers know that you’re only going to play it for the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas day. They’re not trying to create a Stairway to Heaven or a Help or even a Hey Ya. They know it’s never going to be a number one single or go platinum so they’re going to put out some crap to get a little change in their pockets and go home. To put it simply, Christmas records are CRAP! Avoid that shit. You’ll hear it enough in stores, on television, and on the radio to purposefully put yourself in a position of listening to it on purpose. It’s crappy music with cheesy lyrics. It, for the most part, is not good music. It sucks. Bad arranging. The singer might be out of tune. Nobody is caring because you’ll listen to it for six weeks and then put it up and listen to it six weeks next year. It’s shitty music. So don’t be tearing out the Christmas music right after thanksgiving and expect to not want to poke your eardrums out to rid yourself of that gawdawful noise because that’s just unrealistic. Avoid the shitty Christmas music. Or write to your Congressman to demand that people release stuff that isn’t certified crap. Also, I think those records will say “I hate myself and want to die” if you play them backwards. Yes I do.
5. Buy your presents online. People go crazy and they especially go crazy in malls. If you can get your gifts online, you avoid that stuff. Of course, my local Chamber of Commerce is going to send me reindeer crap for this particular item. Nice! Fertilizer for my flowers!
6. You don’t have to go to every party invited. For some reason, there is this pressure to attend every Christmas party. Do you attend every party you have ever been invited? Seriously, say “No thank you, I have other plans.” It doesn’t matter if those plans are sitting on your couch with your cat watching “Veronica Mars” reruns. If you don’t want to go to that particular party, don’t go! OF course, there is this pressure to be a social maven during the holiday. If you’re not a social butterfly who likes large parties or the particular party is filled with people who will make you lose the little faith you have in the human race, don’t be a martyr for the holiday. Don’t go to the shitty party. Give yourself a present.
7. Avoid peer pressure Yeah Mary has a thousand Christmas lights with some blow up dolls in her front yard but that doesn’t mean YOU have to do that to your house. In many ways, this could apply to some of the above advice. This goes for gifts. If you can’t afford to buy a Wii, don’t let your kid and your neighbors who are getting one make you feel bad for not buying one. Yeah it sucks but bankruptcy because you can’t pay those credit cards later sucks more. So shake it off. Be the rock star that other people want to emulate. Forget those Joneses, they’re probably all on prozac and in therapy anyway.

So there you go. There is some of my advice to survive the holidays without feeling like pooo!

I love yoga. Back in the day, I would take yoga classes at this place in DC. Of course, I move back and NO YOGA. I managed to find this VHS tape called MTV Yoga. It’s a very good basic yoga workout.

Of course, my vhs player is kaput.

IMG_1037

Originally uploaded by debkel

I’m being photographed by all sorts of people.

IMG_3190

Originally uploaded by the magnificient purple and mystical goat of love

I intended to do many things this weekend. For example, I intended to attend this conference on Friday. I didn’t attend due to my wonderful clock setting skills which confused AM with PM. I woke up at 10 a.m. all warm and fuzzy and then shouted words that would embarrass my mother. Since the conference itself was in Little Rock and I live a good two hours away…. well, you do the math.

I really wanted to listen to programs on how poor people aren’t getting proper legal services. As a person who has consistently worked and interned in public defender’s offices, I know how the poor live and I heard about all the struggles to get basic necessities. It’s hard to go to a job interview if you don’t even have metro fare.

I ended up commisserating by watching Dexter episodes on DVD. I’m not sure why watching serial killers cheers me up but it always does.

My original plans were to go to the conference, stay the night in a hotel, and then run the Great Gobbler/Little Giblets 5K in Maumelle on Saturday morning. Well that went to hell, so I decided to get up early and drive to Maumelle from my house in SE Arkansas. So I did just that.

I get to the race site and go for my purse and realize that I had left my purse in SE AR. !*&)(^&)^^%!!! somehow I had left my checkbook in my car. No I don’t know either and am completely embarassing myself by confessing my flightiness to the public at large. It did end up saving my ass later because I was able to buy a Walmart gift card to pay that I could use in the gas station to get gas to come home.

So the race itself. I had not run since the great rain of 2009. I am a wuss about getting wet and this was my first real run since then. Also, the route had an incline. I knew it was going to be a slow time. It was. Average page was 15:32 AND 48:10.29 OVERALL. OUCH! that’s slow. It’s my slowest time ever.

Well progress is always one step at a time.

OH and if you’re fat and don’t want to exercise or race because people will laugh at you, get over it. People who laugh at others are retarded.

AHEM…

I met my friends John and Rebecca. Rebecca was running the race also. Here’s her picture. I went to undergrad with John way back in the day. Back in the day, he was a big cool senior who ran the radio station and I was a big dorky freshman. They were meeting some other friends and had brunch after the race. I had some spicy chorizo that burned my whole entire mouth. OOH CALIENTE indeed. Of course, I asked where he got it.

I finally (and I do mean finally) got to meet the beautiful and funny Sophie. Sophie is four. I asked her if she was running the Little Giblets 1K. She responded, “I am running zero K” Yeah that kid knows what’s going on. If I had any inkling that I could produce a kid as awesome as Sophie, I’d put a bun in my oven today. Unfortunately, I think I would produce a kid more like that kid who wanted to do “hood rat stuff with his friend”

I also saw my friend Ken from undergrad. He was Jennybee’s boyfriend back then. His son was indeed running the 1K. His name is Beckett and he is 3. Yes he is cute. His parents adopted him from Vietnam which is an awesome story in and of itself. [aside, isn't "in and of itself" the most redundant pretentious phrase in the English language. I can't believe I just used it in an sentence] Yeah they blogged about it over here. I hadn’t seen him in years.

THEN, I met some more friends for lunch at Panera. Here’s a picture of that. We also managed to raise money for a Shelter. Yee haww.

Even though I had many very definite plans for this weekend. I was able to adjust and still have fun. Life is about making memories and the relationships you have with other people. This weekend was definitely for the memory books.

Happy Halloween from Melissa Runs with this video of CHristopher Walken doing a dramatic reading of Lady GaGa

it’s been a while. Work has picked up. I have cooties or some type of flu. I’m even missing the free flu shots due to my ability to hock up things that look more appropriate in an Exorcist remake.

• Yes I have decided to do the Little Rock Half Marathon again. It should be a hoot. This time I will do more hill training and kick some bootay.
• Speaking of Bootay, this post involving waxing from Four Jugs is all kinds of wrong. I mean WRONG. IF you heard the screaming from my computer, you would have thought I was watching that blasted Two Girls One Cup video.
• Other booty related thoughts. I want to cover my booty in these cute running skirts. . There are some more running skirts on this page. Oh they are cute.
• The Allen House is giving its annual Halloween tours this weekend. OOOOOH spooky. They had paranormal investigators come in and ooh.

That’s all my sick self can do right now.

Bikers for Boobs

Originally uploaded by melissathegoofy

This morning was the Race for the Cure. Due to technical difficulties, I didn’t walk with Team Fabulous. This resulted in me getting up at 5:30 in the morning to make it to Little Rock by the 8 o’clock race time. I am dedicated to saving the boobs. That is all I am going to say.

This is one of my favorite races of the year even though it really isn’t a race. It’s more of a walk a thon. Most of the people who do Race for the Cure have never done any type of race. They don’t understand anything about moving to the left or even thinking about the fact that there are people behind you wanting to go faster. They also don’t read the signs that say “Runners faster than 27 minutes here” and “Joggers here” So that when the race starts everybody is just walking.

But the large amount of support for this cause is inspiring. Along with the actual 45,000 or so registered walkers/runners, there are also tons of people along the race route giving their support. The fire stations all have representatives with their trucks hooping and hollering. This year, one of the fire stations painted a truck pink. There are belly dancers, the UAPB Marching Band, Yogis, politicians, the LR Central Marching band, the news outlets, cheerleaders from tons of schools, country singers, and republicans and democrats on the route to show their support.

AND there are the bikers. These aren’t some “riding club” bikers. These are the real deal and every year they come out in their loud Harleys reving with their pink hair, beads, balloons, and signs about saving Second Base.

It’s a lot of fun.

if you haven’t donated to Race for the Cure and would like to do so, you can donate here.

I came across this article on Lawyerist about headshots and biographies. I have been putting off the headshot and I am completely baffled about what to put in a biography for my professional site.

What exactly is my expertise if I’m starting out and how does my “expertise” manage to follow the Rules of Professional Conduct that says you can’t say you are an expert in a certain type of law?

For all the writing about myself and random daily events on this blog, I have always had problems writing out my accomplishments and writing a succinct biography. It must be a function of modesty or some “home training” where I’m supposed to be modest. Also, I’m always surprised at what people want to know and how people react to certain information. I also see the gaps and the disappointments and mistakes I made in my life in those biographies. The information that isn’t there because I did something goofy or made a decision that turned out in hindsight to be “not wise.”

Of course, my mistakes aren’t tragic. I haven’t gone to jail. I’m not paralyzed from the waist down because I got in a car with drunk driver. Although I am overweight, I still have a decent blood pressure and am working to lose weight. I have a good job and some good friends. Even though I’ve had some relationships that were absolutely horrible, I didn’t have any horrible marriages that resulted in kids and many years of a long drawn out divorce and years of litigation over child custody and visitation issues. When the weenies who used to be my significant others are gone, they can stay gone. I’m blessed like that.

So what is this great biography that I should be making on my professional site? I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out later.

The foodie quiz.
Omnivore’s 100 Meme
Instructions:
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating, or will never eat again.
4) italicize ones you haven’t eaten but WANT TO TRY
5) Leave the ones you haven’t tried, but are indifferent about

Let’s just say I’ll try any food once and leave it at that. Oh wait but no roadkill. That thing could have rabies. I’m not eating rabies.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros (I am not a fan of sunny side up eggs.. hrmmm..)
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile/Alligator
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper -
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar.
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake